The Untold Story: Smart Women's Struggles in the Dating World

There I was, sitting across from my date in the cozy café, sipping my coffee and trying to appear interested in his tales of gym conquests and car mileage. But truth is, my mind was off on its own adventure, completely uninterested in the monologue before me. 

My thoughts were elsewhere, tangled up in the to-do list, I had abandoned to be here. Even though I had spent 5 hours on Saturday noon giving the finishing touch to my project plan.  Still I was still hung up on that.

Moreover, nothing this guy with his sculpted jaw, sharp nose, and deep blue eyes said appealed me. I mean why would I be interested in how many women he dated or how many protein shakes he downed in a day? In short, I was bored to death.

How could you even think of spending 10,950 days of your life with this obnoxious, self-centered guy? A voice chimed in my head.

And then another voice whispered in my head, “Oh no, this isn't going to work out. Again, I have to swipe right or left.”

Another voice: "Here you go again, rejecting another potential partner. No wonder you're the lone single in your crew, while everyone else is off playing happy families. Go ahead and say no. Come again next weekend with someone new and do the same.

Or better yet, go to bed alone, wake up alone, stare at your screen, binge-watch web series, or wait for some single to say yes to your weekend plan.

And then you sulk because there's no one meant only for you, to love you, to watch the dying sun on the beach with, to hold hands, to feel warm under a cozy blanket. 

I don’t understand what you want. Do you want someone or not? You say one thing, but your actions show otherwise. You keep looking for reasons to end any relationship that passes your initial scrutiny.” My inner voice continues to torture me.

Now I've lost track of time and can't focus on the words coming out of his mouth. I see his face, but I can’t hear what he's saying because I'm total engrossed with my inner voice.

Voice A: What's the problem with staying single?

Voice B: Loneliness sucks.

Voice A: Sometimes it’s great, no one to share your bed, your bathroom, your life.

You make coffee for yourself, eat what you like, when you like. No responsibilities, no tensions, no fights, no arguments, no acts of pleasing.

Voice B: But that's the problem, isn't it? There's nothing challenging you, nothing pushing you out of your comfort zone. Life becomes dull, like a straight line on an ECG machine.

Voice A: It’s better to have someone to share bills, take turns cleaning dishes, cooking, and fixing flat tires, share responsibilities, when something goes wrong pass blame on them.

Don’t you want someone to cross over to the other side of the bed, then wrap and spoon them, and feel human warmth? Watch Netflix together and criticize what all was terrible in that series.

You can also play family-family; invite friends and family for get-togethers. This time you do it in a classy way.

Voice B: Remember your friend Avy, how she went from careless, self-indulged easy-going girl to classy, organized, and sorted mother. How she switched from takeout, paper plates, leftover foods, dirty dishes, to an organized, well-kept house, fine cutlery, and high-end furniture. She uses different scrubs for different things, can you believe that?

What happens when you get married and have kids? Something seriously goes wrong. I don't understand this domestication process. Is it a carrot or stick approach, or Pavlov behavioural training?

Whatever it is, it tames people to become a well-domesticated pet. Do you want that for you?

Voice A: Yes, you should want that. You shouldn’t forget that your eggs are aging now, and at some point, if you want to change diapers and raise a child with your biological husband, you might end up visiting IVF centers, pay hefty bills, and go through emotional drama in case anything goes wrong. I don’t think you don’t want that. Better hurry up and make up your mind.

Find someone . Do you understand that?

But you know this feeling, it’s like shopping. You have a variety of items splurged in front of you, tempting you to try them out. You shortlist 10 items and stand behind 15 people to see what looks best on you, only to end up rejecting all 10 items after spending 10 minutes each trying them on.

My inner talk kept on.

It seemed like he noticed that I hadn’t spoken a word for the past 15 minutes, and it appeared that our conversation wasn't going anywhere. We decided to end it swiftly and went our separate ways.

Walking away, I bash myself. "Great, go alone, stay alone.

I know we are spoiled for choices. And we know we can have it all, so why settle for less when we can have more? Just that it makes me feel like I have nothing in hand, all in bushes.

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